Literally the greatest -1 I've seen in this application, I wasn't planning on responding but I needed to mention a few things. As far as my past goes I'd like to mention the fact that before I ever came to darkrp I came from the community of "RUST" and when you had mentioned that "not everyone is out to get you" I understand that and me being defensive in many situations comes from rust when I meet toxic people that are only out for negative intentions. I've grown more than people think when I came to this server, I still have RUST emotion I guess I would call it since it has been apart of my life since I was 10. I have more than 3k hours on rust and its rubbed off on me in some way I believe. This isn't a blame on a video game for why I act the way I do, for everyone makes their choices and there are repercussions of those choices. Defending myself doesn't come with the toxicity at first, most of my "real" fights that have been on this server were for more right than wrong decisions.
I choose my battles when needed. Can't say that I've chosen the right battles every time but fighting/defending myself is the reason I became staff in the first place. I had been banned for MASS RDM and 1 hour after my ban was lifted I then applied for staff 12 hours later I was accepted. If I had let the ban go without fighting for my POV and side of the story everyone would've seen it as a negative reaction of my doing.
Many situations have been the right decision for me to fight for but at the same time I do feel like people are after me all the time, I trust very small amount of people that I've chilled with over time. But, the biggest thing I bring to everyone may not be trust instantly but my respect until they lose it. I treat everyone how they want to be treated. When I see that I'm wrong I admit to it, I am not afraid to look towards my mistakes and admit when I am at fault.
That being said, with woolleys response I may have not acted the right way towards rayzer but I had trusted that we had a friendship that was built over time from the months he was on the server, and I might add, the great friendships I do have on the server I don't need to talk on discord privately. 90% of my closest friends on the server I don't dm hardly but stay connected through the server.
As a final word and hopefully my final response to this application....
I have trouble making the right decisions because the heat of the moment can push over the limit I think I've shown that in myself during situations that unfortunately lead to many uncertainty towards my image and maturity to becoming a staff member. I've also grown more than ever since I've been apart of this community and meeting with several people. In some ways I like to call DarkRP -- VR Chat only cause over the course of time I've played you pretty much enjoy the people more than the role play. Abides for example he vibes with everyone and he is someone I've known since I first joined. He's a friendship I hold to heart closely because he is one of the greatest guys I've met. If this application gets accepted I will guarantee myself right here things will be different. People bring up things from my past and half if not more of my -1's are from months ago. Most of all I want to focus on the current situation. I am honestly hurting more the fact that I've probably ruined my friendship with a good friend that I've known since he first joined the server and with my dumb mouth I've probably scared something that can't be fixed.
I don't want to become a staff member to just right my wrongs nor help the server, that's a given that I already have planned. Things become much of greater importance because the greatest thing this community brings are the people. Once we lose our strong community we don't have a great server. When we don't have people you can trust and bonds between each other, we don't have friendships and connections to carry on for a long time. I'm pretty sure I've lost a good one today and its one of my biggest regrets in my history.
Please, I ask give me this one chance. I won't let anyone down. I PROMISE...
Thank you again for everyones responses.