I feel like people are being a little harsh on you.
When originally told to fix your paragraphs and add more detail, you did just that which I think shows that you’re pretty serious and you seem dedicated/the effort that you put in. In my eyes, editing your application to what people want to see is more than enough, even if your paragraphs are not the best.
It doesn’t seem like you have any issues in when it comes to behavior. You’ve been touted as someone that seems mature and respectful. It seems like throughout your time and sit you manage to keep a cool head, which is important.
You meet all the requirements set by higher/ownership. I don’t see any reason why to make it a neutral/or negative. You have the hours / you’re above the age limit / your application is correct with everything.
I don’t see any reason why you shouldn’t be put through the interview phrase. It would be a chance for the actual people who know what would make a good staff member to evaluate you and see if you would fit.
+1
I generally just don’t see a legit reason why you shouldn’t be given the opportunity,