Buddha's Unban Appeal

BuddhaALT · December 5, 2022

In-game name: Buddha

SteamID (https://steamid.io/): STEAM_0:1:50942375

Staff members in-game name: Garnet

Staff members SteamID (/id (name): STEAM_0:1:182379093

Date & Time of incident: October 2020

Timezone: PST

Ban Reason: Toxcitity / Ban Evasion / Perm

How long were you banned for?: Permanently

Proof of Ban: https://i.imgur.com/taXjcwL.png

What happened? (include any proof):

Over the course of my time on Garnet Gaming, especially around 2019-2020, I was an immature, power hungry, egotystical 18 year old looking to piss everyone off and ruin the server for those around me. On DarkRP, I essentially finessed my way to Manager and abused, disregarded, and misused my permissions as Manager. On a daily and consistent basis, I annoyed and dismantled DarkRP members and foundations, and led to an awful period of mismanagement on my behalf. Because I tried to artificially gain sympathy from Garnet and other superiors at the time, they saw right through my paper thin defense and promptly gave me an ultimatum to resign or be demoted from Manager. Not only would I disregard my Manager duties, but I would blow Garnet off whenever I was asked something, or put in the minimal effort and pass it on as my best work. During this time, I would spend a majority of my time playing on MilitaryRP, abandoning my duties as Manager and creating an unpleasant environment for all those around me. Whether it was being toxic in OOC, toxic in TS, annoying others, trying to reach for power, or otherwise, I continually contributed to making the server a worse place for everyone. Soon enough, everyone had had enough of me (rightfully so), and tried to find any means necessary to remove me from the server. I was accused of cheating near the time of my final ban, and instead of simply denying it and providing the proof clearly outlining that I wasn't cheating, I proceeded to promptly guilt trip Garnet and others on the server in regards to my mental health and wellbeing. I spammed the admins at the time, begging for an unban, while utterly disregarding the process of ban appeals and cheating accusations. In addition, after I was cleared of cheating, I constantly jested and made mockery of those who tried to get me banned, whether it was in game or on the forums. As if this was not enough to warrant me a permanent ban on the spot, I continued harassing members of the community, especially WhiteBolt, who I said that I would kill him if he did not give a whitelist back to a member of the community. I attacked other members of the community, such as Proggy and Enigma, in order to both make myself feel better and to discredit these staff members who contributed more than I had ever dreamed of. To make matters worse, I came back to the community a year later and, instead of appealing or talking to management about the status of my ban, alted and was promptly caught within 3 days of playtime. I also joined on a couple of alts in 2021, and those were also promptly banned.

Why should your ban be removed?:

I realize the lengthy paragraph above is in itself a million reasons not to unban a player like me. I have made mistakes, some redeemable and some not, and I fully realize this now. I was a shitty person to be around, and an even shittier staff member. However, although not initially, I have taken the time to distance myself from the community and reflect upon my actions. One of my first mistakes was applying for staff. I knew myself at the time, and knew I would reach for any speck of power I could grab onto. Knowing this now, I have no intentions of staffing nor any intentions of elevating my status anything higher than that of a community member. Many community members at the time, Garnet included, constantly reminded me of the past times they had enjoyed with me, and how I needed to reform and change my behavior for the better for risk of removal or a ban.

I am not a perfect person, but I can confidently say that I have matured as an individual since 2019 and 2020. My goals, ambitions, means of communication, self respect, and my own respect of others have all been positively changed for the better. In my former years, I had a god complex with an unimaginable ego, leading to my poor choices in management and interaction with the community. Now, after this ego not only affected my standing in this community but my own life, I can without a doubt say that my ego has shrunk considerably. I am just another player in a community of players, and don't want or need to feel elevated by a hollow staff role or artificial faction lead. I want to play with everyone again. Reality hit me hard and cold in regards to pandering to emotions - and that is that it doesn't work in the real world. Both in classes and in professional settings, I was denied opportunities because I played to emotions rather than eloquently elaborating my thoughts to other individuals. Mental health is not something to be used as a tool for manipulation, and in no circumstances used to manipulate your friends. I understand that now, and I am ashamed that I even considered it in my younger years, much less followed through and manipulated an entire community. Additionally, on the topic of cheating - I should have just refrained from posting until I had my case prepared in a well manner, rather than taking the route of emotional manipulation and subsequent mockery of the situation. I could say I wasn't thinking, or I didn't know any better, but this is far from the truth. I intentionally created falsehoods in what I was saying to convince everyone of my innocence, rather than using facts to debunk the claim. An apology doesn't suffice for the damage I caused, but I still want to offer one from the bottom of my heart. What I did was so deplorable and disgusting that I still cannot excuse the actions I made.

As irresponsible and inexcusable as alting was on the server, it opened my eyes to the Garnet Gaming community again. Although my initial reason for alting was to be malicious and get "revenge", I found myself genuinely and thoroughly enjoying my short-lived experience on the server, essentially giving me a fresh start in the community and being able to interact with those I never could have before. I realized that I still missed Garnet Gaming, and that I wanted to do things differently the second time around. Regardless of any positive introspective meanings I contrived from alting, it was and still is against the rules to do so, and I understand that this weighs on the outcome of this appeal.

I am not the same Buddha you remember from 2020, and I want to prove it all to you through this very unban appeal, and hopefully, through my actions in the server. I no longer am the short-tempered, toxic, egotistical, manic loser I was two years prior. I have had ample time to reflect upon my experiences as a community member and staff member, and I would do everything differently if I could change the actions of the past. As upset and angry as I was initially after my ban, I was surprised with myself that I continued to keep up with Garnet Gaming, even two years later. If I were unbanned, I know I could jump right back into the community without missing a beat and contribute to the success of MilitaryRP. I do know that somewhere in between all of the bullshit I was pulling, I had a fantastic time in the community. I made friends that I still talk to, and experiences that have followed me even after a community ban. I hope that some of you do remember the few times I was pleasant to interact with, as those are the moments I cherish the most.

I miss MilitaryRP, and I also miss Garnet Gaming. I thank you for reading my appeal, and if possible, would like to see you all on the server again. I promise that this time is not like the last, and you will be pleasantly surprised to interact with the person I have become in the last two years.

Thank you,

Buddha