Something I have been meaning to post

[WreckEMsaints 528]

As the DarkRP staff already knows, I broke off my engagement to someone I thought was the love of my life. Through a lot of heartache and sleepless nights I decided to do what was best for me. It single handedly was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I poured my entire life into someone else. Any way I wrote this to remind myself why I made the right decision: 
 

It just doesn’t seem fair you always got your way but I was the one who had to suffer for it. You made me lie to my closest friends and loved ones all for an addiction of own. I couldn’t even begin to enjoy any money I had made for myself without you asking to use it for your own gain. You made me sell the things I held close to me, things I’ll never get back again. Why was I the victim of your addiction? Why were you lying to me about it all when we said we wanted a relationship that was built on trust, honesty, and full commitment to each other? I had to lie to my family and I had to lie my friends, why? Because you let your addiction control me too. It just doesn’t seem fair. I know that you need help but I can’t afford to risk my own life anymore because you need someone who can offer you more. The whole time I thought you truly loved me but what you really loved was my ability to provide you with the Xanax and OxyContin that you let control you. There was many sleepless nights of not knowing what we’d argue about when money got tight only for you to make an excuse to your parents as to why you needed money. You took a part of my heart away that will take a long time to repair and replace, I loved you and your family. I was so fucking excited to see you share my last name. Now I’m sitting here wondering why I let myself go on this long without questioning you. I pray you find help not for anyone else but yourself because you can’t let someone control what you need to do. 

[ShankNinja 801]

Wreck, I wish I had the correct combination of words to make you feel better right now but at this time there's not much to be done but wait it out. It seems to me like you made the right decision, it just took you until now to realize what it was, and that's no fault of your own.

It's virtually impossible to help someone who doesn't want it. I've had my problems with pills and it wasn't until I was on the edge of killing myself that I realized the chemically altered state of mind was accelerating my downfall; and not all of us do. I've lived with my first roommate and best friend and watched him undergo seizures from his use of Adderall in the morning and Xanax to crash at night, and all I could do was resist further enabling him both in action and in conversation. He thought I was being a bummer and it did put a strain on our friendship but he got through it and couldn't ever be more thankful for me not enabling his own descent.

I know the decision is hard but making the right decision for yourself even if it takes you out of your 'comfort zone' (for lack of better terms...) is a telltale sign of human growth and I think in a year from now, or maybe even less, you'll look back with a clear head and a more content mind than if you just continued to go with the flow.

Always know my inbox is open man. I might not be an expert on relationships (are any of us?) but I do care about you enough that I won't be bothered by talking to you if you need someone to talk to. I'm speaking for the community here when I say we all love you and hope you find happiness again, even if you have to look elsewhere.

[WreckEMsaints 528]

Thank you shank. I love ya bro, I am super appreciative of friends like you who are willing to listen and let me vent. 

[Ba11ParkFrank41 223]

5 hours ago, WreckEMsaints said:

I pray you find help not for anyone else but yourself because you can’t let someone control what you need to do. 

I don’t know you that well and I’m typing this on my phone so it might look bad but I just want to say I literally cried readying this. The last part of your thread was the most mature and heartwarming response I’ve ever read. I’m sorry for the hurt you were given. I hope you find happiness in the next chapter in your life. The best part though is you wished her the best and happiness. I see no hate but hurt. As much as I’ve read you’re someone that has a lot to give and being to a relationship.

 

I’ll say I respect the hell outa you man and I hope you find happiness or what ever journey you go on next you’ll be the best person you can be.

 

again I don’t know you that well but you poured your heart and soul into this thread and I feel like I know you after reading this.

 

sorry again for what’s happened and I wish you the best, we all here with you brotha.