Sorry to everyone

[Kendal 450]

For those of you that don't know me, and for those of you that have (rightfully) forgotten about me, I am Kendal. I was a manager on GGMRP for a short while, and a player for longer than I imagined I would be. 

In my time on the server, I had a lot of fun with some really great players. I joined numerous factions and even got to lead one, and I fucking loved every day I played on the server. Now I'm here to admit something that I should have a long time ago. I was a shithead.

Garnet gave me the opportunity to manage the server for him, and what did I do with that opportunity? I wiped my ass with it and became someone I regret being. I'll admit I used a lot of my "power" to attack those that pissed me off, to influence whatever decisions I could to keep players I didn't like from getting where they wanted to be on the server, and ultimately I abandoned a group of players that I loved, to shit on them and their enjoyment of the server. Worst of all, I let Garnet and the community down by being a very flaky manager. I was never concrete in my decisions, always changing my mind, and doing things I was sure I wanted to do one moment, and then abandoned later.

Some of the time I would attack or straight out destroy staff members that didn't agree with me, or that I didn't like (Millerjerm, Viva, Godfather) to name a few. I didn't like how Viva handled things as a staff member, I didn't like my perception of the faction he led, and overall I didn't like that someone that I didn't know as well as Jim and Aidan had the same level of power as they did. Aidan and Jim were my close friends, so I knew they'd be more inclined to agree with me, whereas Viva probably wouldn't. Millerjerm's only fault was that he was inactive. But I removed him under that reason, with the real reason being I didn't like him. Godfather was also inactive, he and Jer were the only staff members I can genuinely say I didn't remove out of spite for them.

I wiped MARSOC to put a friend in charge of it

I wiped SEALs to put a friend in charge of it.

I wanted to wipe Vega to put a very controversial friend in charge of it, another reason I removed Viva from the higher staff. I never went through with this because In this act, I knew I was being a spiteful shithead.

I fell into the wrong group, completely ignoring my priority to the staff team that I'd be an unbiased member of it, AND I WAS LEADING IT.

I went after players that I didn't like or players that my "friends" didn't like. (all of Flame's PDSS, Silo, Chief members, Topshot, etc.) Basically anyone that was having a good time playing the server on RU.

I shit on Buddha, Hard. Someone who had my back after I stepped down and was super kind to me the entire time we knew each other. I fucking regret this. My "friends" went after buddha, so I decided to do the same. This in my mind was the worst thing I ever did as a member of the community. Utter betrayal to a good friend.

I made decisions that hurt my reputation and rapport with players that had been with me since I joined the server. I made numerous threats to harm factions over minor infractions.

I attacked players that were in hard situations, failing to understand things from their point of view.

I had a strong belief that the players were dumb and didn't know what they wanted, so rules/decisions they didn't like were just them being dumb. This is not an appropriate belief for someone that was at my level should have.

And again, worst of all I failed Garnet, the server, and the community by taking the opportunity he gave me and shitting on it.

For things I did after my time as manager, such as rejoining the server and attacking millerjerm, P2W members, and others I disliked while I was manager, I apologize. Ever since I stepped down as manager, I've had a chip on my shoulder due to the reputation I had which was ultimately destroyed by my stupidity. I can't play the server anymore despite how badly I want to because I feel as though I don't belong anymore due to my behavior. 

Im not looking to gather pity, forgiveness, or anything like that. I just want to be able to play again someday with my mind focused on the future of the server, rather than the past. I want to be able to play without hating or disliking people over dumb shit that was my fault in the first place. To the entirety of the community, to Garnet himself, I am sorry for my actions. With this thread I want to provide clarity into my actions as manager, and after. You all deserve the truth of the stupid things I did.

[Gildarts 169]

At least you came to admit your faults. Appreciated. But unlikely something like this will be forgiven easily; especially with the state of the server currently.

Edited October 22, 2020 by Gildarts

[Vizii 566]

I have to agree that yes you did mess up hard as manager and left the mrp tarnished to the dirt and it is still on a unsteady road. But that doesn't mean it cannot come back. Going to use myself as an example for this. Although im perm banned, I still plan on sharing ideas on how the server can be fixed and how the server can be improved as a whole. Kendal, Ill say this upfront with ya mate to me you were an amazing person to be around prior to you getting manager but I feel as if when you obtained the position you let the power get to your head very fast. Which, I partially cannot blame you for because you feel to alot of controversy really fast and didn't take alot of time when coming up with a verdict on certain issues.

 

With vega, yes we were all terrified to get wiped. Gamma had worked his ass off for months to get vega in a good spot, I worked my ass off to get into vega and help viva. Viva (was inactive) but still did insanely well with the faction for his term. But with how the environment was on the server and overall just how toxic the playing field was. I know you struggled hard. 

50 minutes ago, Gildarts said:

At least you came to admit your faults. Appreciated. But unlikely something like this will be forgiven easily; especially with the state of the server currently.

This is very true. But at as I said there is still time for you to come back around and do what you can to try to help. One person that I was speaking to about certain issues and to be honest, Alot of the things that have been brought up between Garnet, Gildarts, Jake and I. There are some pretty damn good ideas that are lined up for the future. But at the same time, One silver lining issue I found was that nobody wants to RP. Not many people want to help. They are just there for to pvp and climb ranks. I breifly spoke to you in the past on a few different topics in regards of what can be added or what can be changed to improve the server but you quickly swipped those ideas under the rug which quickly tarnished my reputation with you. I still have a mediation of respect towards you and as I said there still is time for the patches to be healed. But I wish that you could have seen how hard you got beat around the bush in many different perspectives.. It sucks to hear how ur manager term went and we all can agrer that we wished it went differently man. I hope that you are still doing well because I haven' t checked up on you in a while. Best regards ~ Vizii.

[roar 2]

I don't know who you are, I don't know what has happened to you and the people you messed with..- But man.. I would forgive you, the thread is really good.

[Kendal 450]

2 hours ago, Gildarts said:

At least you came to admit your faults. Appreciated. But unlikely something like this will be forgiven easily; especially with the state of the server currently.

Like I said I am not looking to gather forgiveness through this thread. Actions speak louder than words. I will add to what you said however. I do believe that many of the server's flaws currently can be attributed to me in some way or another. Some were things that were building behind the scenes far before I joined as 2GA PVT Milton, others are things I played a direct part in exaggerating, willingly or not. I was active as a manager on issues I should have handled with more leniency, and completely inactive on issues that would take any real hard work to achieve. Banning certain players wasn't going to stop the spread of toxicity, it just seemed the easy way out at the time.

1 hour ago, retired said:

I have to agree that yes you did mess up hard as manager and left the mrp tarnished to the dirt and it is still on a unsteady road.

While I can agree I left the server in an abysmal state, I would like to add that I have complete faith in the current staff team, at least the one's I know can do a lot of great. I don't imagine Ozzy intends to do the same kind of shit I did, or that he even has. 

 

1 hour ago, retired said:

With vega, yes we were all terrified to get wiped. Gamma had worked his ass off for months to get vega in a good spot

I had seen that. The skill level in terms of PvP within the vega ranks was absolutely undeniable. Gamma was a true champ when it came to toughening up Vega members. I'm glad I never went through with wiping it, but I still regret having you guys fear that was a possibility in the first place. Reflecting on it you guys never really did anything that bad, I was just fishing for a reason.

1 hour ago, retired said:

But with how the environment was on the server and overall just how toxic the playing field was. I know you struggled hard. 

At times for sure. As much as I wanted to believe I had thick skin when it came to the community (being part of a certain someone's PDSS who didn't put up with bitching), I was very lacking in that regard. The main reason for my resignation was the perception of me to the community. It seemed 75% of the community wanted me gone, the 25% were slowly getting to that point as well.

[Millerjerm 96]

When I got removed from the staff team it was something that made me very upset but it helped push me to work harder on the server gave me the mindset of what can I do to be better. I still wish I could of stayed on the staff and see where I could have gotten but that drive to get better to be able to come back to the staff team lead me work harder. I don't know if I would have been able to make it to Marshal with out that though I still hate it happened and you lied to me about the reason I was removed. Ironically you should have been the reason I left the community but rather became the reason I stayed to make myself a better member of the community and staff team. 

[Soldier 168]

I didn't see this coming even if someone told me it was, I'm shocked and glad that you decided to admit to the mistakes you've made in the past. It at least shows me and others than you aren't some self-centered retard. However, if you do plan on coming back, I know some would welcome you with open arms, I wouldn't want to hold grudges because at the current state of the server, grudges will only hinder our growth. Also, if people are still toxic towards you, just ignore them, those are things in the past, all we need to do is get over it and move forward. 

 

I would like to clarify that I don't believe that you were a major reason for the server's decline, as the population was high a while after you left, until around may. There main factors for the server's current state lies in places that I cannot state now without causing a fuckton of drama, so dont stress to much about that.

Edited October 22, 2020 by Soldier
Clarification

[Pencil 767]

I hated you.
In retrospect it's a game I could care less. You were not all that bad and actually someone enjoyable to play with :). Good luck in the future.

[AwesomeAidan0221 701]

Man, you act like you are the only one to blame for everything that happened while you were manager. I remember that I pushed you to make some of the decisions you referenced in your thread. When making decisions about factions I never thought about the relationships players made with eachother and thought everyone was just a number on a sheet of paper that could easily be replaced. It’s not all your fault, I was lead Admin too. Keep your head up king!

Edited October 22, 2020 by AwesomeAidan

[Tora1 889]

You acted like a baby and had fits and was toxic af lol

but it takes a lot of balls to type up something like this. 
kudos to you and good luck 

Edited October 22, 2020 by Tora1

[Kendal 450]

3 hours ago, Tora1 said:

You acted like a baby and had fits and was toxic af lol

This is a pretty perfect way to sum up a lot of my decisions as manager. At the time I justified my own toxic behavior as "well they are toxic to me, so ill be toxic back" which is not how a staff member should behave, let alone how someone leading the staff team. Anytime I made a decision, to me it didn't feel like the critics disliked the decision, it felt like the critics disliked me and that's why the decision merited criticism. So a lot of the time I had it in my head that it was a game of "Me vs the RU skids" when that wasn't remotely true. In retrospect, it was me not respecting the opinions and criticisms of long time players and people genuinely concerned with decisions I tried making that would impact the server they cared about. 

3 hours ago, AwesomeAidan said:

Man, you act like you are the only one to blame for everything that happened while you were manager. I remember that I pushed you to make some of the decisions you referenced in your thread. When making decisions about factions I never thought about the relationships players made with eachother and thought everyone was just a number on a sheet of paper that could easily be replaced. It’s not all your fault, I was lead Admin too. Keep your head up king!

I can only speak for myself from my perspective on the events I outlined here. I never thought you or Jim did anything out of malicious intent, or did anything to further your own agendas. To be completely honest there were times where you guys tried pulling me off the edge of the cliff, and I decided to jump anyways. And my behavior only served to make things harder for you guys after I left.

7 hours ago, Millerjerm said:

I still hate it happened and you lied to me about the reason I was removed.

Im genuinely sorry for that. And I am sorry for my recent behavior to you when I came back to check how things were on the server. 

4 hours ago, Pencil said:

I hated you.

You had reason to hate me lol. I banned you off of a method that wasn't allowed to be used when we used it.

[Krim 494]

garrys mod server

[AwesomeAidan0221 701]

13 minutes ago, Krim1 said:

garrys mod server

This.

Some of the most wisest words ever spoken on the forums.

[Jared Cox 654]

My parents: “Why don’t you ever want to hang out with the neighbor’s kid?”

The neighbor’s kid:

2 hours ago, Krim1 said:

garrys mod server

But in all seriousness this is a very good first step. Keep your head up brother.

[jaylen 32]

its ok habibi we love you